Wednesday, 7 March 2012


Today has been such a weird day.
I can't explain why exactly; nothing bad or challenging or upsetting has happened and yet I feel sort of... off balance. It's not a good feeling and it's resulted in me shutting myself in my room with Spotify for most of the day.

I dragged myself out of my hobbit hole (you should see the size of this place, hobbit hole is a realistic term) to see The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel with my future housemates. It was a really great film. An absolutely brilliant cast (Judi Dench, Maggie Smith, Bill Nighy to name but a few) injected a little extra something into a hilarious script and it was set in an overwhelmingly colourful location, Jaipur in India. My friend was jumping about the whole film squealing "ooh I've been there! And there! And we drove through there! THAT'S MY HOTEL!!" which was absolutely adorable for the first 5 minutes.

But somehow the film touched a nerve, or brushed too close to some sensitivities, I'm not really sure what happened. All I know is that near the middle of the film, Graham was reunited with the man he loved as a teenager and has loved his whole life. They shared a passionate embrace, nothing more, and suddenly I found tears streaming down my face. I was submerged in sadness, it was overwhelming. For me, the rest of the film was so sad, every event would fuel the fire of my tears and they continued racing down my cheeks. Each new event: a death, a marriage ending, the loss of a potential lover, a lonely old singleton, a strong old singleton; all of them I felt so deeply. I couldn't understand why I felt like that but even when the credits were rolling I had to bury my face in my friends shoulder. I wasn't sad about anything in particular, nothing in my life, just the themes of the film, ageing- whether alone or with others and coming to terms with that; was more than I could deal with apparently. I was just... emotional.

To be honest, once I'd stopped crying it was embarrassing to have to walk out of the cinema with a red puffy face and head to the restaurant. But the sadness still prevailed. Even thinking about the film now makes me feel down. I don't understand why it affected me so strongly and I don't like not knowing.

Ah well, should be hearing back about the auditions (which I fluffed) soon. Fingers crossed for some involvement, the chorus would be great fun.

Good night

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