Tuesday, 29 May 2012

Get that body moving

It's been far too long since I did any exercise. Since coming back to Uni after easter I've been on a grand total of two runs! Yep, I'm a right little exercise bunny alright.

So now that I've done my first few exams and have 2 weeks until the next one I took the plunge and went for my first spinning class since before Christmas I think, both dreading it and feeling rather excited. For the first 30 minutes I cursed my decision to go. I was hot, sweating, my arms were painful from press ups on the bike and my legs were so tired from the resistance. But then we hit the 30 minute mark and the focus changed from endurance to speed, the music became the swedish pop that I love so I gave myself a shake and pushed on with renewed vigour. And walked out feeling great. I felt like I'd had a good work out and tomorrow I'll feel it. A quick dip in the pool to cool off completed todays gym trip and it was worth dragging my butt up there.

Tomorrow, pilates :)

Refreshers induced delerium

There's a certain kind of delerium induced by sun, late night library sessions, hours staring at textbooks and eating 4 packets of refreshers within two hours...

I'm there.

I need sleep!

Sunday, 27 May 2012

There will be sun, sun, sun

The week has been absolutely glorious! Every single day has been bright sunlight, no clouds, temperatures in the mid 20s (Celsius that is) and just a gentle breeze. Each day we head to Starbucks for a half priced frappuccino, then onto the field to sunbathe for hours, interspersed only by ice cream and followed by revision sessions in the library in the evening, induced by guilt and adrenaline at the thought of your exam, tomorrow!

Day and night^^
We've figured out the staples you need to survive this time of year. During the day you need sun hats, appropriate clothing, a large grassy space and good company. In the evenings you need a cool, air conditioned library, tons of junk food and again, good company to stop you going insane amongst the books and the revision cards!

Friday, 25 May 2012

Fill in the Blanks Friday

LOOK! I'm filling in the blanks and it's actually Friday!

Thanks to Lauren at the little things we do
1.  The best surprise ever would be, a surprise holiday. It could be to almost anywhere but some destinations that rank high on my personal favourites list are: Iceland, Thailand, New York, South Africa, Cephalonia, Moscow, Paris and Cornwall. So... anyone fancy taking a trip ?

2.  ...   is my most favourite memory .
(If anything prevents me from posting this on Friday, it will be this question)
I can't answer this question, I have so many excellent memories that they're clamouring for attention, competing for me to pick one over all the other but I'm sorry, I just can't. I've lived a really happy life so far and so many moments are special and precious in their own ways that one can't stand above the rest
 3.  The hardest, but most worthwhile thing I've ever done was  to let my friend make herself ill.  I wanted so badly to put restrictions on her life, her activities because I knew it was the best thing for her health but the best thing for her mentally was to go on this bender. To overwork herself, to get even more ill, to take a huge step back. But she needed it and finally accepting that although I couldn't make her do what I thought was best, I could only be there whenever she needed someone to lean on was the best thing for both of us. It's brought us closer together than ever and I've certainly learnt a new respect for other peoples lives and health .

4.  The best part of my day is early afternoon. The sun is high, I'm starting to feel awake and if we're reviewing the week, I'm probably sitting on the field with a group of friends. Ahh the life .

5. Something I like that most people don't is  mayo on my chips, it keeps the thieves away ;)  .

6. Something I am willing to fight for is  my friends and friendships.  I'm not one to give up on a friend without a fight. I will be there for you even when you don't want me to be, it takes a lot for me to give up on you .

7.  Something you might not know about me is that I'm in the library right now.  Dedicated to exams? Dedicated to the Internet .

Tuesday, 22 May 2012

Fill in the Blanks Friday

Ok Monday... well technically Tuesday but as I'm still in the computer labs revising and haven't been to bed yet I'm calling it Monday.

As ever, thanks to Lauren at the little things we do

1.  Something that is very near and dear to my heart is animal welfare. It's the reason I'm a vegetarian, I don't buy leather products, I buy make-up that hasn't been tested on animals, cruelty free make up and hair brushes and where possible, toiletries containing no aniaml derived ingredients .

2.   Every new day  is good cause to celebrate . But especially tomorrow at 4pm when I come out of my stats exam. We're going to our favourite cocktail bar for civilised, fancy drinks.

3.  The most fun I ever had was ... there are so many small moments that mean so much to me, that are essentially insignificant but have had a huge impact. One of my happiest times I can remember is holidaying in France with my besties a couple of years ago.

4.  True friends are the ones you can come back to after months or years of being away and it'll be like you never left. The first people you want to tell when something good, bad or just interesting happens in your life  .

5. Something that makes me terribly happy is having  all my friends together and just laughing .

6. A good way to spend a sunny day is  stretched out on a beach with a fresh baguette, french cheese and a cool watermelon. Failing that, on the grass with a picnic, dog optional but preferable .

7.  My favorite celebratory food is bounty's. I'm slightly addicted to them .

Fill in the Blanks Friday

I'm on a blanks roll this evening...morning.
1.  On a scale from 1-10 the frequency with which I get sick is, about a 4. I rarely get colds and everyday sniffles, when I get ill, I'm in hospital for a couple of days though .

2.   The last time I felt sick was  well right now I kind of have a headache but other  than that, the last time was just before the musical when I started to lose my voice! I panicked.

3.  The worst part about being sick is  losing my voice because  I talk incessantly.

4. When I am sick I like to be taken care of by myself. I know what I need and I'm such a grump when I'm ill it's better to just leave me alone for fear of getting your head bitten off.

5. Something I do to keep myself healthy is  take vitamin c tablets everyday. I know I should say have a healthy diet but really, supplements ftw.

6. A secret remedy that I use when I'm sick is my mums vegetable and barley soup with dumplings. It's full of veggies and grains and so delicious but still light enough for a delicate tummy.

7.  One thing that always makes me feel better when I'm sick is a head massage. I'm usually ill with my headaches and I love to fall asleep or spend a while resting as someone gently massages my head.

Monday, 21 May 2012

Finally, finally!

I finally feel like I've cracked this revision thing.
Want to know how I did it? I discovered the library.

I know it sounds crazy. I'm doing a degree, surely I'd be well acquainted with the library. Wrong. I find this place so intimidating and confusing and full of people who look like they know what they're doing and it really puts me off. I avoid it like the plague.

But having walked around it a few times in the past week, I understand the layout and I understand the people. Suddenly it's not so bad. Which is why, after societies standing today which is one of the more boring things I have to do as a signatory on a society committee, I came to the library alone, found a desk and cracked on with some work. Within half an hour I'd talked to one friend and relocated with another but despite that, I made the first move. And I've been revising well ever since.

Bring on tomorrows exam. I've got this... sorta ;)
There are things we've done in our lives that we're not proud of.
That make us cringe.
That embarrass us.
That have the potential to hurt us.
Or to hurt other people.

I'm not perfect and I've certainly made mistakes. Our mistakes shape us, they make us the person that we are and the person we will become. We use our past experience, the way it played out and the consequences of our actions to help us evaluate the actions we take in the future. It is commonly quoted that our mistakes shouldn't define us, that we shouldn't live our lives regretting our pasts but sometimes it's other peoples reactions that we fear, sometimes it's the hurt you'll see in their eyes that make you shy away from accepting and being totally honest about the past.

What if keeping the past hidden, if not disclosing your mistakes is motivated by not hurting the people you care about. Is that the same thing as asking if you do it so they don't change the way they think about you?

You mean more to me than our situation would dictate and I wonder that if by saying it, I'll scare you. I know this isn't the way things were supposed to go, I didn't expect this when I thought about it all those months ago but it's how I feel now. Everything has changed from when we initially laid this out, both in positive and negative ways. I've learnt things and seen things that have changed what I know about you, of course I have, I've come to know you so much better. And you, I. I hope this most recent transgression doesn't irrevocably change the way you think about me, I don't want it to define me and I don't consider it to, but do you? I can't say any more than I'm sorry and that it was a while ago. I don't feel like I need to do that now, I accept it was irrational at the time but humans aren't highly logical creatures, we don't always see the bigger picture and we're motivated by things other than clear-cut logic. Maybe in my head I wanted to even up the score board and I know that's crazy! But sometimes I hurt, sometimes I feel insecure and have doubts and it's scary feeling like I'm not in control. I feel like I'm always the one talking, the one opening up and sure, Im confused. More than half my answers are 'I don't know' but how can I know when I dont know what's going on in your head?

But really, is anyone in control? We don't know what's going to happen in the future. Anything is possible and there are so many things we can't account for considering different situations. I want things to be certain, to be definitive and defined, to be... formed, to be whole but they aren't and I think I'm going to have to accept that life isn't like that.

Sunday, 20 May 2012


Maybe it's because exams are looming
Maybe it's because the end of the year is racing towards us
Maybe it's because the rest of our lives are hurtling forward at top speed
and there's nothing we can do about any of those things and that's why it seems like insecurities are coming to the surface, left, right and centre.

I can't revise for this module
I'm not going to pass my exams
I'm not pretty/smart/funny enough for then to be truly interested in me
I'm not good enough for my future
I'm not worthy of the things I want
I don't deserve happiness
What if they don't feel the same way

So many of these stem from feeling of low self worth, of low self belief and where in our past were these feelings instilled in us for they are certainly not true! I think we all need to do a bit of self examination, reflection and put things in perspective. And sometimes not be afraid to take a leap of faith, in ourselves or in other people.

Friday, 18 May 2012

Lessons in life

Lessons to take away from this past year

Get organised about work. Start planning early, start writing it early. Even if its just a sentence here, a paragraph there, it all counts. The worst time to write is the night before its due. The pressure might make you write fast but it wont make you write well. Next year my degree counts so I need to take this on board and start caring about the marks I get.

You might be here for a degree and particularly at exam times that has to take priority but during the rest of the year, don't let it get in the way of friends and societies and social activities. Make time to ensure you get a balance of everything because that's what being here is about essentially.

Don't be lazy about food. You're body can only keep going so long as you look after it.That means having more than 1 meal in a day, consuming more than 2 portions of fruit and veg, not snacking on anything that takes your fancy and eating decent, wholesome food, not packaged noodles and value pizzas.

Linked to the last point, drink less. I can deal with the hangovers now but it's not good for my body. I need to start moderating my intake and stopping drinking before I get drunk. There have been some nights I definitely wish didn't happen and I don't want to repeat them again. And nor do I want to be told, by people who I've just met, that I have no dignity. Wonderful.

Not to waste time worrying about things I can't change or spend time being angry or frustrated at people. If they're dragging you down or causing you grief, do you really want them in your life?

And finally. Just throw yourself in. If it looks fun, give it a go. Who cares if you're rubbish, so what if you get a few laughs. You might make some great friends, learn a new skill or even discover something you're good at. And lets face it, what's the worst that can happen? Warning, if joining the sky diving society, don't answer that last question.

Thursday, 10 May 2012

Bone tired

Last night I got 10 and a half hours sleep. If ever my body needed it, it was last night.

Wednesdays are my least favourite day of the week. Tuesday evenings, I go to my drama society's workshop and after that, we all go to a bar on campus, get curly fries or burgers and have a drink. Or three. I have a 9am statistics workshop the following morning. The evenings activities, whether they include alcohol or not, never fail to tire me out and dragging my body from my warm, cozy bed the next morning is always a chore. So I stumble along to my workshop, bleary eyed, bash some numbers into the computer and hope that by putting three minds together, we can get something close to the correct answer. Yesterday was no exception. The only difference was that on normal Wednesdays, I have a free day ahead of me to relax and make up for lost sleep, yesterday was jam packed.

My friend arrived back early from Dublin and I had to rush down to the station to collect her.
Along the way I was traumatised as I glanced in a parked car to see a man, trousers unzipped, masturbating in the front seat.

I saw The Avengers with a group of friends in the early afternoon which I was really looking forward to, the only problem was that by this point, I had a raging headache and was feeling rather sick. I enjoyed the first half of the film but regret to say I can't comment on the second half; I fell asleep :/ We power walked back to campus to make it in time for our musical rehearsal. Groggy from my nap in the cinema and feeling increasingly ill we slogged through a rehearsal which, although only 3 hours long, felt oh-so-much longer.

Despite understanding the difficulties of scheduling a rehearsal with a cast of this size so that as few people as possible are at loose ends at any given time, it's easy to get frustrated when you're surrounded by people bitching about the organisation, the direction, the other cast members, the time frame. You name it, they complained about it. Combine that with feeling sick, continuously forgetting lines I had down last week, singing two songs, acapella, on a loop and then spending over an hour learning 1min and 11seconds of a dance. I was not in the best of spirits.

Arriving home, I chugged a pint of water, swallowed some pain relievers and after a quick chat with my parents in which they nagged me about my health, collapsed into bed. It was bliss, resting my body which by this point was feeling shaky and slightly weak and despite the noise of my flatmates getting drunk 2 doors down, fell into a restless slumber almost instantly.

This morning, I feel in better spirits. Although still headache-y, I'm not shaking anymore and my stomach has settled. Plus, no rehearsals today! Just foccacia and kim chi noodles, the life!

Tuesday, 8 May 2012

Give us a smile :)

I feel like all my posts recently are about the transient nature of time and experience and I don't want to just mope and moan about it but I can't help thinking about it!

Well, despite all the sad things to come, I can't deny I'm excited for summer.
Plans so far include a couple of weeks in the Costa Brava region of Spain, meeting up with family, swimming in their pool and being bullied into getting a great tan by my ever-loving sister. After stuffing ourselves silly with amazing local foods we'll drive up to Paris and spend a couple of days relaxing, sightseeing and eating Laduree macarons if I have any say in the matter. Plus hopefully a night tour or two. As we usually only stay for a day in Paris we don't get time to take night tours but fingers crossed for this time.

Arriving home with a golden glow to undoubtedly cloudy skies always lifts my spirits.

I'm hoping to spend a week in Devon with my future housemates as well this summer. One of my friends family own a holiday cottage down South so we're thinking of renting it and having a girly holiday. The original plan was Zante or somewhere equally loud and full of young people drinking, but money and our love of cozy nights in made us abandon that idea for something quieter and ultimately more 'us'.

The rest of my time I plan to spend seeing my friends and of course catching up with family. It would be nice to travel around the country a bit to visit my uni friends in their different counties and hopefully some of them will also travel up to the Midlands and visit me. Even if they don't come for me, they should come for the culture!

All that plus meeting up with home friends and potentially a job. This summer looks set to be a busy but brilliant one.

Monday, 7 May 2012

Fill in the Blanks Friday

So yep, once again, I'm not posting this on Friday. But on the plus side, this time it's less than a week late. And in my defence, I has a friend staying with me for the bank holiday weekend so everything was a bit hectic right. I've been grabbing a few minutes here and there when she's been in the shower to finish this!

1.  My bedtime routine includes lots of internet time before falling into a dead slumber. A good cuddle always helps  .

2.   I am  still creeped out by the nightmare I had last night. Apparently I was moaning in distress and moving about. That hasn't happened to me for years, I can't remember the last nightmare I had that affected me so strongly. It took me hours to calm down and be able to fall back asleep and I am rather cranky today it's fair to say .

3.  I can't stand  wasps   because   they sting! And having never been stung I have no idea what a wasp sting is like, all I have is this massively dramatic version in my head.

4. My idea of relaxation would be  watching one of my favourite tv programmes, good company and delicious snacks. Right now I could murder a bounty but the bank holiday being what it is, shops are unfortunately closed. .

5. If I had an extra $50, I would  put it in my bank account in a vain attempt to offset my student loans. That or blow it all on a present for our house next year. OOOh! Or I'd go and spend a great day on the beach this summer!  .

6. The best thing about a bloggy friend is  that they don't have to see you on your absolute worst days where a shower and makeup are the furthest things from your mind and manners go right out the window.

7.  A recipe I've been dying to try is a vegan lasagna without tofu. I'm not a huge tofu fan but I adore the warm, homeliness of fresh-out-the-oven lasagna. Mmmm right now that would be amazing! Guess spaghetti will have to suffice .

Friday, 4 May 2012

Bow before your King

OK well not King, but vice-King, can I call myself that?

Well regardless, I am now writing as the soon-to-be Vice President of FilmSoc!!! Yay! We had the AGM today and I'm so happy I got the position I ran for. And unlike all the other positions, I didn't run unopposed.

So next year, on top of my increasing workload and the fact that my grades will actually count towards my final degree, I'll be on the committee of a society which currently needs a lot of work. It has the potential to be really great though and I hope that, with a lot of hard work and dedication, we can make it into something I'm proud to be a part of.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012

Happy Endings

I so badly wanted to title this post 'The End is Nigh' but that may be a touch over dramatic.
It does feel like so many things are coming to an end in the next month.
2 weeks today, we will have finished our last performance of the musical and will be onto the after show party!
In 3 weeks, I will have my final lectures of the year.
In 6 weeks, I'll have finished my exams
In 7 weeks I'll be at home, the year over, some of my friends having left, some gone on placement.

This is scary stuff
It's moving so fast.
I want to remind myself to slow down, enjoy everything that's happening now and not to rush through the next month and a half because I'll never have this time again.