Friday, 17 February 2012


Do you ever think that some emotions are much more filling than others? That some emotions can be so consuming they leave you no space to think about other matters, to feel other things. Those are the emotions I love. In a strange and terrible way I love feeling like theres a storm raging inside me, pulling me in all directions, tossing me over and over again, the current tearing at me, forcing me under.
It sounds like such a dark place and that's how I experience anger. A storm battering my small vessel, being completely at the will of the storm, just feeling, being consumed by it.

I love anger. It's so whole, so big. It becomes everything inside you and suddenly everything becomes simple. All your thoughts are stripped back to the bare bones and nothing seems that complex. Its like an epiphany, the eye of the storm affording you a new clarity, a bright dawn.

Until, of course, the fuel runs low and the fire dies back. As the anger wanes and the storm moves on, all that's left around you is not clear, is not merely black and white but an infuriating number of shades of grey, virtually indistinguishable from one another but to the most observant eye.

I'd like to have that eye. Or else maintain the hotheaded clarity of rage, anger, inner turmoil. Because even that counts. Battling against oneself, being the harsh judge that noone else can be, its a lot less difficult than seeing things with a crystal eye.

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